


ave atque vale, livia blackthorn

by lovelilkitty



Category: The Dark Artifices Series - Cassandra Clare, The Shadowhunter Chronicles - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Five Stages of Grief, Gen, Grief/Mourning, This is very sad sorry, literally just angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-30
Updated: 2020-03-30
Packaged: 2021-02-28 22:16:20
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,095
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23394625
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lovelilkitty/pseuds/lovelilkitty
Summary: the five stages of grief, as seen through the eyes of the blackthorns.
Relationships: Mark Blackthorn/Cristina Rosales, Tiberius Blackthorn/Kit Rook
Comments: 4
Kudos: 33





	ave atque vale, livia blackthorn

the first stage of grief is denial. 

tavvy is young when his sister dies. too young, in fact, for it to sink in, really. 

for weeks, he asks julian where livvy is, and when she is coming home, eyes watery and pleading. 

“i miss my sister,” he whines, in the middle of a somber breakfast. 

julian had made pancakes, in an attempt at normalcy, but it wasn’t the same. 

the bright, cheery, familial feeling was gone, replaced by an emptiness. everyone’s eyes were focused on everywhere but the empty seat next to ty. 

it hung over them like a cloud, so really, no one could be mad at tavvy for voicing it, not even when ty had lept up, storming to his room, kit hot on his heels, and julian had turned away, burying his face in his hands. 

emma has gone to tavvy, scooping him up in her arms, tears threatening to spill over. “i know baby, i know. we all do.”

“is she coming back?” tavvy’s voice was small, as if he knew the answer. 

emma looked helplessly to julian, giving up on blinking back her tears. “i don’t think so baby.”

tavvy had cried, which had made dru cry, and by the time cristina had walked into the kitchen, mark trailing after her, they were all crying, a family broken by loss. 

the second stage of grief is anger. 

mark blackthorn was not an angry person. 

right now though, he was. 

not at livvy. 

at himself. 

for leaving, and losing years and years with his siblings. 

for coming back and not recognizing and immediately embracing them, after reciting their names to the stars night after night. 

for being so caught up in remembering who he was again, he forgot to catch himself up on his family’s lives. 

for wasting valuable time with his family because he didn’t know himself anymore. 

mark was angry, yeah. mark was filled with hate, and all he wanted was to direct at annabel, at malcom, at the clave, at the hunt, at something that made sense. 

but all he could focus it on was himself. 

when cristina found him in the training room, his fists were red and numb from punching a punching bag over and over and over again, until he lost himself in the routine. he was drenched in sweat, and tears were running down his face, and cristina didn’t think she’d ever been more concerned. 

for another hour, they held each other and cried, rocking back and forth on the mats in the training room, each feeling as though a little bit of their heart was missing. 

the third stage of grief is bargaining.

ty blackthorn knew his sister was dead. 

he just didn’t believe she had to stay that way. 

after all, malcom had brought annabel back, hadn't he? 

and ty blackthorn was smarter than malcom. and much more discreet. 

ty blackthorn would find a way to bring back his sister, without hurting anyone else. 

and ty blackthorn would not get caught. 

except sometimes, plans don’t go how we expect them to. 

ty blackthorn had bargained and bargained to reverse death, but at the end of the day, death could not be reversed. 

grief is hardest when you try to numb yourself to it in the hopes that you can fix it, ty decided. 

that’s why, when kit left, he did not chase him. 

ty couldn’t save livvy; he had failed her, and kit had seen it and run. 

he would not fail kit by chasing him when he was so clearly what kit was running from. 

the fourth stage of grief is depression. 

dru blackthorn did not leave her room for weeks after her sister was killed. 

meals were left outside her door, and although just about everyone had tried to get her outside, no one had succeeded, even perfect diego. 

at night, julian could hear muffled sobs coming from her room. 

there was nothing anyone could do, really. they were all helpless. 

dru re-emerged almost a month after livvy’s death, dark shadows under her eyes, which were themselves rather bloodshot and puffy. 

no one commented on her disheveled appearance, choosing to greet her as though this was not the first time they’d seen her in weeks. 

they didn’t speak of it until a week later, when, as she was prodding at her breakfast cereal, dru announced quietly, “i’m sorry.”

all eyes swiveled to her. “sorry for what?” prodded julian, gently. 

“not talking to you. it was selfish to lock myself up. i’m not the only one who misses her and- and we should be together right now. livvy would want us to be together. i shouldn’t be pushing you away because if i- if i lost any of you i don’t know what i would do and-”

julian was the first to pull her into a hug, and everyone crowded around, excluding ty and kit, who had hurriedly disappeared earlier. 

“we’re together, dru,” julian whispered. “we always will be.”

the fifth stage of grief is acceptance. 

julian blackthorn knew his sister was dead. 

it hurt like a knife to the chest, and he missed her like a lung, but he knew it. 

the hardest thing about knowing it, he decided, was that no one else seemed to. they wanted it to be untrue so badly that they were able to refuse it.

julian did not have that privilege. before his emotions came his duty as an older brother, as a caretaker. as much as he wanted to curl up in a little ball and cry and plead for livvy to come back to him _please_ , because without her he didn’t know who he was, he couldn’t. he had to put on a brave face. for dru, for tavvy, for mark, for emma, for _ty_. for livvy. 

instead, he would channel his pain, channel his hatred at annabel, hatred at malcom, hatred at the world; for ripping his baby sister from him. 

and so he created livia’s watch; because if he could not cry over her outside of the privacy of his own room, and if he could not bring her back, he would honor her. he would be strong, strong like she always had been. 

when julian had fought before, it had been for himself, for what he believed was good and true and right. now, he fought for his sister. he fought for every life taken too soon. 

_ave atque vale, livia blackthorn_ , he had said, feeling as though he was letting her go forever. 

_hail and farewell, livia blackthorn_

**Author's Note:**

> please please please come chat w me on twitter (@iiviabickthorn) or tumblr (@emmascristina)


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